How to pay the Johore Toll

I was asked by a friend, who is marrying a Johorian girl on the toll paying procedure. Like any other non Johorian, it was an alien and unusual thing for me at first, as normally, whenever I am paying the toll, I always thought that my money would end up to PLUS, or Samy Vellu.

Here are some tips to non Johorian..
check all the listed infos with your fiancee, if the answer is "I don't know.."
then you might end yourself marrying a Johorian dumb blonde, hahahaha

1. Determine how many layers of toll
There are normally (at least) three layers of toll, depending on the kenduri place,
balcony (full of kids)
front entrance / door : (full of girls)
pelamin (full of aunties and a mak andam)
if you're unlucky, the uncles might form one layer too.. and this folks love to check the RM

2. Determine the going rates
If you are marrying the normal down to earth simple people ,
then RM1 for kids, RM5 for the girls, RM10 for the aunties and RM50 for mak andam
however, if your future in laws are posh, up scale, the rates are higher....
even worst, if your in-laws are the social climbers family, the rates are lethal, pocket-wise...

3. Determine the no of people working with PLUS
your fiancee should give you an estimate of the kids and aunties and cousins or girlfriends that might want to form the line...
Double the nos, if she said 20 kids might stand in line, prepare 40 envelopes for kids, same goes for the girls and aunties... but mak andam remains 1 envelope
keep the balance of the envelopes, dont show to the Johorian.. hehehe

4. Check the mak andam rate
your fiancee should have met the mak andam in-advanced, get her to ask the rate. Some mak/pak andam might even go higher, I even heard RM300..

5. Elect the toll payer
Common mistake among non-johorian is handling all envelopes in various amount of cash to one person, normally the best man to distribute the toll. Erkkkk, wrong.

The best man is then confused and gave kids the RM10 envelopes and the aunties might pissed getting RM1, forcing your entourage to open wallets and handbags to churn out money and making everyone not enjoying the toll ceremony,
(by the way, no one is happy paying the toll at the toll booth, why should this be any different?, hahahaha)

Give RM1 to one ppl (best is your loud spoken aunties), Rm5 to another, RM10 to the next person. Inform them the values and the role.
Every toll payer should remark "don't open the envelopes" jokingly when distributing the toll.

Never allow the best man to hold all the envelopes. He should only keep the mak andam's, and for security reason, have some extra cash in hand should the andam person goes nasty and becomes greedy.

6. Apply the at the highway toll booth attitude at the wedding ceremony....
When you are driving at the toll booth, cars lining up heading to the booth, don't you just move every inch possible to front, blocking everyone? when you pass the gate, pay the fees, don't you just speed off hastily?
Apply that to the wedding!
Your best man is your driver, and you are the passanger, he should grab you and move ahead whenever there's a space. That's why its best to pass the payment to your aunties, the kids, girls and the brides aunties might be rushing and surround her like hyeanas leaving you and the best man to move forward, closer to the pelamin. Be tackful, cunning and brutal. Ask your best men to wink at the girls or even aunties, if necessary, hahahahaha

Have fun. I know, its your money going down the drain, but look happy and cheerful. The Johorian take it as a fun ceremony.. so put a happy face and smile, even if the PLUS people are greedy..

A good and wise Johorian family would not impose a harsh toll ceremony to non-Johorian,
that's what my mak andam and my mother in-law noted, as outsiders having no clue of what's going on, might confused and jump angrily to the demands...

Have fun and congrats for passing the Johor pre marital HIV test,

I am now a dad. It was such a long day at Ampang Puteri, but finally, I am now a dad. A proud one too, who'd behave like any newly fathered man, anxious on showing the child's pic and highlighting that they have someone coming from them. The "show-off overexcited dad" or SOD!

I used to hate those guys. I thought they were losers who have to show off their child to justify that they have no social life coming ahead. Well I thought wrong! Somehow they were overjoy of having someone from their seed that its crucial to share the happiness around.
The question is, "is everyone willing to share it?"

Off course, I did not simply forward my child's pic to everyone that I knew, minus Aida, Sarah & Iza, and my sister, my friend Yohan, my colleagues, my parents, my CSU friends,my neighbour, my old schoolmate, my wife's colleagues...

Damn.. I am just another SOD!

To Fahroe, hope you'll join the club soon.
Get MARRIED first, by the way, hehehehe.